I absolutely suck at planning vacations and would far rather stay home and work than put in the effort to get away. Add to that the guilt of wondering why I am like this and why I can't be more normal and why was every other person on this planet born knowing how to do these things, and well, I think I'll put off planning a vacation yet again. But seriously, it seems every family has a person who excels at this stuff, so why not pass the buck to them?
" the guilt of wondering why I am like this and why I can't be more normal and why was every other person on this planet born knowing how to do these things," me, too. And sadly, I'm actually better at this than Brian is. Left to his own devices, he'd just take a week off to garden and work on music in our attic recording studio.
Oh how I feel you! I stand in awe of all you accomplish with your one woman band and have wondered how you pull it all off. It’s amazing!
In my last MUTHR, FCKD post, I popped off about the virtues of doing jack shit on vaca a few times a year, but hypocritically wrote it from a tropical locale while I was supposed to be doing jack shit. I’ve realized I have two modes: full blast and full stop. We are on a hamster wheel that goes as fast as we can pedal and stops when we do. Can’t wait for Fall ;)
There’s Penland School of Craft , my sister’s sister in law is always threatening to organize a family trip there but it hasn’t happened , I’m dying to get to Nashville for vacay , the country music hall of fame said I can get into their archives and I’ve yet to take them up on it . All my musician friends love Nashville and I’ve often heard it said that “once you’re out of Nashville you’re in F#ckn Tennessee “ so I don’t think you’d have to worry about maga energy in the city . Bluebird might be hard , I suspect , like the Moth in some cities , that organizers spike the pool of performers to insure that there are no total disaster nights , but I’d say Go to Nashville anyway
Alas a bit of research shows that getting a slot at the Bluebird open mic is roughly akin to winning the lottery ( and I’ve got relatives in the hall of fame ) Auditions and contests are only open to folks who live within 100 miles and members of Nsai . No covers allowed . There are tons of other open miles all over the city though
Oh dear, I think I have a book for you. It’s subversive in the way you need it to be when you’ve forgotten how to unwind because this book flips inactivity and rest into a thing that you do, which is secretly great for those who don’t know how to stop doing things.
Tricia Hersey’s Rest as Resistance: A Manifesto. She’s also the founder of the Nap Ministry…
The death of the dysfunctional family member causing you unexpected feelings jumped right out at me. That's a real thing!! As for the vacay, I almost wonder if you need a very long, immersive experience in a different place. Like a one-month housesit where you can work but you also schedule time that's not for working so you can explore the area like a local, doing things that you'd find enjoyable with less pressure... like going to the movies in the middle of the day or sitting in a cafe with your crayons sipping tea and people watching.
As a former workaholic, I can relate, especially to the last part about adding to this list of things to do like “enjoy the vacation.”
I commend you for taking the first step in acknowledging there’s a problem and at very least thinking about taking this much needed vacation. I wish you luck. Now, as the slogan goes, “just do it.” Before your body does it for you. Cause that’s a thing for us workaholics.
First, I'm sorry about your family member. The death, the difficulty beforehand, the mixed bag of emotions after. Regarding work/life balance, it's a tough one. I always think of those Norman Rockwell-style scenes -- at the beach, in the woods, wherever people go to relax -- and instead imagine sunburned, discombobulated vacationers splayed across logs or getting snagged in their own fishing lines. Ha. Love the idea of an adult arts and crafts camp. You could use a box of 64 Crayolas to create more of your own lovely drawings! Perfection!
It won’t work in the short-term, because they’re all booked up, and it’s for women only, which sounds like it won’t work in this case, but Camp Chateau bills itself as summer camp for women (in a castle in the South of France!) They have all different activities to choose from, just like summer camp as a kid, or you can choose to do nothing by one of their pools or in the vineyard. (I’m mostly tempted by the do nothing options). They take care of all meals. I am dying to go there with my sister as soon as some dates open up.
I miss business travel, which I always loved: it gave me a purpose and a point of view, and I generally found a way to sneak in some personal outing (theater, usually). I'm now trying to plan a getaway just for myself, and I'm feeling stuck. Besides hating to fly, I hate having to plan every damn meal instead of just opening the refrigerator. I'm tempted to book a long Amtrak trip, with sleeping compartment -- meals included -- and just see where the rails take me. That, or a trip to a film festival (Santa Fe in October?).
This is so relatable! Didn't know I was the only one who felt that way especially in the end of the vacation when I feel like I have to hoard all these vacation moments because I had to go back to work. Thank you for sharing! Let your vacay look like anything you want even if it's soaking in the tub with epsom salts and a glass of wine and a good book.
I relate to this so much, Sari. I once had a masseuse tell me she would have to stop the massage if I couldn’t relax. I get that it’s a vicious cycle of telling yourself to relax/enjoy your trip and then feeling bad that you maybe aren’t enjoying it as much as you “should” so I’d just say take it easy on yourself as best you can. I usually give myself an hour of computer/writing/work time in the early morning on trips to help offset what’s waiting for me when I get home.
This is basically how my anxiety-riddled brain feels about vacation: “I’ve made a healthy first step toward taking a holiday, blocking out a two-week period on my calendar. But I get twitchy every time I sit down to scheme a plan. The other day I came to the realization that I derive so much comfort and stability from (over)working, that taking time off terrifies me. I’m tired of my surroundings, so a staycation is out. But visiting new places brings with it so much uncertainty, and too many choices (where to stay, how to get there, what to eat, what to do, how to make the most of my time)”
That being said, we’re down in Stone Harbor, NJ now and it’s been a beautiful week, so (knock on wood) sometimes it’s worth the hustle.
Oh, I completely forgot about the Jersey Shore! We’ve gone to Ocean Grove a couple of times for a weekend, and loved it. Maybe we’ll return. Thanks for letting me know you get it, Scott.
Stone Harbor is our place. We love it and have been coming for years. Just a beautiful, super quiet little town that also has very quick access to Wildwood and Cape May. Absolutely worth the trip. 😁
If not THE answer, this is definitely one of the TOP answers: Go to the same place every year. Maybe vary the place you rent, but keep the same shore, the same town, the same charming main street, the same restaurants, etc. It's new, but not new. Different but the same.
Don’t plan. Wherever you end up going, each day, wake up, decide one fun thing to do that day (eat ice cream! Go on a hike! Visit a museum!) and otherwise just … chill.
Come to Knoxville! There are open mike nights, arts celebrations on the first Friday of every month, and a really good art museum and a good history museum. We did a staycation downtown Saturday to see Iris DeMent at one of our two historic theaters.
I absolutely suck at planning vacations and would far rather stay home and work than put in the effort to get away. Add to that the guilt of wondering why I am like this and why I can't be more normal and why was every other person on this planet born knowing how to do these things, and well, I think I'll put off planning a vacation yet again. But seriously, it seems every family has a person who excels at this stuff, so why not pass the buck to them?
" the guilt of wondering why I am like this and why I can't be more normal and why was every other person on this planet born knowing how to do these things," me, too. And sadly, I'm actually better at this than Brian is. Left to his own devices, he'd just take a week off to garden and work on music in our attic recording studio.
Oh, I've found my people here in this thread! Thank you, Bette!
<3
Oh how I feel you! I stand in awe of all you accomplish with your one woman band and have wondered how you pull it all off. It’s amazing!
In my last MUTHR, FCKD post, I popped off about the virtues of doing jack shit on vaca a few times a year, but hypocritically wrote it from a tropical locale while I was supposed to be doing jack shit. I’ve realized I have two modes: full blast and full stop. We are on a hamster wheel that goes as fast as we can pedal and stops when we do. Can’t wait for Fall ;)
There’s Penland School of Craft , my sister’s sister in law is always threatening to organize a family trip there but it hasn’t happened , I’m dying to get to Nashville for vacay , the country music hall of fame said I can get into their archives and I’ve yet to take them up on it . All my musician friends love Nashville and I’ve often heard it said that “once you’re out of Nashville you’re in F#ckn Tennessee “ so I don’t think you’d have to worry about maga energy in the city . Bluebird might be hard , I suspect , like the Moth in some cities , that organizers spike the pool of performers to insure that there are no total disaster nights , but I’d say Go to Nashville anyway
Thanks for the recs! I also have a cousin on a year-long fellowship in Nashville, so maybe I should revisit the idea.
You’ve inspired me ! I’m going to see if I can get the duo version of my band into the open mic at Bluebird 💕
Good idea!
Alas a bit of research shows that getting a slot at the Bluebird open mic is roughly akin to winning the lottery ( and I’ve got relatives in the hall of fame ) Auditions and contests are only open to folks who live within 100 miles and members of Nsai . No covers allowed . There are tons of other open miles all over the city though
Oh, well. One more strike against the Nashville plan...
Oh dear, I think I have a book for you. It’s subversive in the way you need it to be when you’ve forgotten how to unwind because this book flips inactivity and rest into a thing that you do, which is secretly great for those who don’t know how to stop doing things.
Tricia Hersey’s Rest as Resistance: A Manifesto. She’s also the founder of the Nap Ministry…
Here’s a little NPR interview on the book: https://www.npr.org/2022/12/27/1145716272/how-to-think-about-rest-as-a-form-of-resistance
Oh, nice. I'll check it out.
Love this, Sara!
Hi Sari,
The adult art camp you seek may well exist! https://www.suzibanksbaum.com/offerings
Oooh, nice!
also, https://www.squamartworkshops.com/retreat/fall-2024/. (closed for this year, but can get on email list for next year)
The death of the dysfunctional family member causing you unexpected feelings jumped right out at me. That's a real thing!! As for the vacay, I almost wonder if you need a very long, immersive experience in a different place. Like a one-month housesit where you can work but you also schedule time that's not for working so you can explore the area like a local, doing things that you'd find enjoyable with less pressure... like going to the movies in the middle of the day or sitting in a cafe with your crayons sipping tea and people watching.
That sounds divine, actually! <3
As a former workaholic, I can relate, especially to the last part about adding to this list of things to do like “enjoy the vacation.”
I commend you for taking the first step in acknowledging there’s a problem and at very least thinking about taking this much needed vacation. I wish you luck. Now, as the slogan goes, “just do it.” Before your body does it for you. Cause that’s a thing for us workaholics.
Thank you, and for reminding me that not taking time off can bring on illness. (I had mono 3 years ago.)
First, I'm sorry about your family member. The death, the difficulty beforehand, the mixed bag of emotions after. Regarding work/life balance, it's a tough one. I always think of those Norman Rockwell-style scenes -- at the beach, in the woods, wherever people go to relax -- and instead imagine sunburned, discombobulated vacationers splayed across logs or getting snagged in their own fishing lines. Ha. Love the idea of an adult arts and crafts camp. You could use a box of 64 Crayolas to create more of your own lovely drawings! Perfection!
It won’t work in the short-term, because they’re all booked up, and it’s for women only, which sounds like it won’t work in this case, but Camp Chateau bills itself as summer camp for women (in a castle in the South of France!) They have all different activities to choose from, just like summer camp as a kid, or you can choose to do nothing by one of their pools or in the vineyard. (I’m mostly tempted by the do nothing options). They take care of all meals. I am dying to go there with my sister as soon as some dates open up.
I’ll look it up!
I miss business travel, which I always loved: it gave me a purpose and a point of view, and I generally found a way to sneak in some personal outing (theater, usually). I'm now trying to plan a getaway just for myself, and I'm feeling stuck. Besides hating to fly, I hate having to plan every damn meal instead of just opening the refrigerator. I'm tempted to book a long Amtrak trip, with sleeping compartment -- meals included -- and just see where the rails take me. That, or a trip to a film festival (Santa Fe in October?).
Amtrack is a great idea! As is traveling alone. Thank you, Nancy!
This is so relatable! Didn't know I was the only one who felt that way especially in the end of the vacation when I feel like I have to hoard all these vacation moments because I had to go back to work. Thank you for sharing! Let your vacay look like anything you want even if it's soaking in the tub with epsom salts and a glass of wine and a good book.
I relate to this so much, Sari. I once had a masseuse tell me she would have to stop the massage if I couldn’t relax. I get that it’s a vicious cycle of telling yourself to relax/enjoy your trip and then feeling bad that you maybe aren’t enjoying it as much as you “should” so I’d just say take it easy on yourself as best you can. I usually give myself an hour of computer/writing/work time in the early morning on trips to help offset what’s waiting for me when I get home.
That's a great strategy, Rachel. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one!
I FEEL you.
This is basically how my anxiety-riddled brain feels about vacation: “I’ve made a healthy first step toward taking a holiday, blocking out a two-week period on my calendar. But I get twitchy every time I sit down to scheme a plan. The other day I came to the realization that I derive so much comfort and stability from (over)working, that taking time off terrifies me. I’m tired of my surroundings, so a staycation is out. But visiting new places brings with it so much uncertainty, and too many choices (where to stay, how to get there, what to eat, what to do, how to make the most of my time)”
That being said, we’re down in Stone Harbor, NJ now and it’s been a beautiful week, so (knock on wood) sometimes it’s worth the hustle.
Oh, I completely forgot about the Jersey Shore! We’ve gone to Ocean Grove a couple of times for a weekend, and loved it. Maybe we’ll return. Thanks for letting me know you get it, Scott.
Stone Harbor is our place. We love it and have been coming for years. Just a beautiful, super quiet little town that also has very quick access to Wildwood and Cape May. Absolutely worth the trip. 😁
I'll look into it!
If not THE answer, this is definitely one of the TOP answers: Go to the same place every year. Maybe vary the place you rent, but keep the same shore, the same town, the same charming main street, the same restaurants, etc. It's new, but not new. Different but the same.
I love this idea!
Scott! Happy to see you here! And yes, I'm in this same camp (or lack of one).
I love that you ask yourself if you're getting enough out of it even while getting a massage! Is there a #MeToo group for that?
Ha ha.
Don’t plan. Wherever you end up going, each day, wake up, decide one fun thing to do that day (eat ice cream! Go on a hike! Visit a museum!) and otherwise just … chill.
Great idea. Thank you.
Come to Knoxville! There are open mike nights, arts celebrations on the first Friday of every month, and a really good art museum and a good history museum. We did a staycation downtown Saturday to see Iris DeMent at one of our two historic theaters.
Oooh, maybe...