Really enjoyed this piece, I am sometimes one of those "no" people but it is not easy. I'm just starting a sort of self-imposed "sabbatical" this year and have turned down several projects over the last few months. It was absolutely wrenching but also absolutely the right decision. One thing that stuck out to me at the end of the piece - you say about strangers who reach out to you, "before I turn down those requests" - but, assuming they are really strangers (not friends of friends, etc.) have you considered not responding at all? I always make time for friends/colleagues but never respond to strangers, I just treat them like spam and delete them, lol. Anyway, maybe a helpful thought.
So much of this resonated. As to the "brain picking" -- I enjoy answering specific questions and consider it part of the "paying it forward" part of both my jobs. What I do not enjoy are vaguely formulated questions that amount to: "how do I get where you are, but fast, and preferably without doing any preliminary research"?
I don’t think you have to become a person who defaults to no. You can be a person who just takes her time and slows down in between the impulse to say yes, and the decision to say no. That’s the crucial step. It takes time to feel into, listen and heed, what your gut is telling you. We so often lead with our heads in these situations, in some sort of validation panic, when really, our head and gut just need to be in conversation.
Really enjoyed this piece, I am sometimes one of those "no" people but it is not easy. I'm just starting a sort of self-imposed "sabbatical" this year and have turned down several projects over the last few months. It was absolutely wrenching but also absolutely the right decision. One thing that stuck out to me at the end of the piece - you say about strangers who reach out to you, "before I turn down those requests" - but, assuming they are really strangers (not friends of friends, etc.) have you considered not responding at all? I always make time for friends/colleagues but never respond to strangers, I just treat them like spam and delete them, lol. Anyway, maybe a helpful thought.
What Geeta said. I can't even express how deeply I feel this and I'm grateful that you wrote about it. Also a Libra here. It's tough.
You know how deeply I feel this. If you ever figure out how to get the DNA replaced, let me know.
So much of this resonated. As to the "brain picking" -- I enjoy answering specific questions and consider it part of the "paying it forward" part of both my jobs. What I do not enjoy are vaguely formulated questions that amount to: "how do I get where you are, but fast, and preferably without doing any preliminary research"?
I don’t think you have to become a person who defaults to no. You can be a person who just takes her time and slows down in between the impulse to say yes, and the decision to say no. That’s the crucial step. It takes time to feel into, listen and heed, what your gut is telling you. We so often lead with our heads in these situations, in some sort of validation panic, when really, our head and gut just need to be in conversation.