Dear Sari, I am glad that in the end you came around to not regret publishing the questionnaire. Personally speaking, I don't think you did anything wrong by publishing it - it was within the scope of the questionnaire definition, it was on subject, he appeared to be honest, and most of all - what a prove of what we (women and people of color) have felt and fought about all along. We have been dismissed, our feelings and opinions disregarded, but OMG this is exactly what we are up against in this world. The words of the privileged proved it.
Thanks for your work in what has become rare - true journalism!
There’s a huge difference between only publishing those voices (as Wenner demonstrates) and publishing them among many voices that cast what they are saying into different perspectives. You most definitely did the latter, and that’s good journalism, in my book.
It is very difficult to be the age I am and realize that I have dealt with so many of these situations. Yet not had the opportunity to put it out in the world as you did and receive the feedback ( positive and negative) that might help my perspective become broader. Kudos to you for chancing it!
I agree that it was good to publish. Much as I love reading about women dealing with aging, and would celebrate them even when they grapple with the effects on things like their looks and sex life, it seems only right that men can be as honest about what aging means to them (for better or worse.) Did I respond mentally to the sense of privilege I saw, yes, but I have responded in a similar fashion to some women in their interviews. And, I couldn't help but be reminded of my father who became less likely to censor himself with the early effects of his Alzheimer's talking to me about sex to a degree that he would never have done before. He told me about single-mindedly losing his virginity the night before he shipped out to fight in WWII, and how much good sex he had in his seventies when he remarried (having lovingly nursed my mother through years of illness that had both of them living as if they were in their 80s instead of their 60s). I was so glad for him to have found this second chance to feel young and vital, and my stepmother loved him for it, because it gave her a second chance at love that she never expected. We are diverse, in our experiences and expectations, and I am glad you are celebrating our diversity even as we age.
When I first came across Mr. B's response to the Oldster questionnaire, I skimmed it quickly and moved on. Part of being a creative is living one's life in a creative manner. Mr. B, it seems, has moved through his life on a predictable and well-worn path as a "creative writing teacher" who scans his female students and other young women as potential sexual conquests. Since I saw nothing interesting while I skimmed his response, I moved on.
Then, in Adventures in "Journalism," I read Sari's essay about having conflicting feelings about a questionnaire response she had published in Oldster. I was pulled into her essay to see what she had published and why she felt conflicted about it. I then went back to Oldster and read Mr. B's full sad, shriveled response to the Oldster questionnaire.
What a contrast between Mr. B and a true creative genius, Patti Smith, who at 76 is as vibrant as ever. She's traveled in her life from being a poet to a punk rocker to a mother removed from the music scene to a National Book Award winner to providing Smithposiums on Paul Verlaine and other poets. She is generous, productive, humble, sexy and brilliant. Let's hear more from older creatives like Patti Smith and allow folks like Mr. B to continue living their narrow, stymied lives at home where they hound successful publications to publish their musings.
I hadn't read the original questionnaire (too many newsletters, an embarrassment of riches!) but I went back to do so . It was shocking, near the end, for me to see that he was married. I assumed he was single/divorced/widowed. I guess good for him for being honest, but his constant on-the-prowl answers took on a different dimension next to "I guess my wife will bake me a cake for my birthday". WHAT.
I had the same reaction, but then asked myself if I knew how their marriage works. Maybe it's open. Maybe he's wistful for a time before they were married. Who knows?
Thank you for the questionnaire and the response. The questionnaire was a good reminder to me that many people think differently than I do but they have a right to describe how they feel. Your response helped me solidify how I felt. The opportunity to see differing sides of the coin is what we all need
I glanced at that questionnaire when it came out and thought, nah, not for me and moved on. Kudos to you for publishing it and giving your readers a choice.
Thank you for doing what I would have hoped: deciding it wasn't for you, but sticking around for the next thing. Thank you for still giving me and Oldster Magazine a chance after that one, unlike the people who unsubscribed!
So I just went and read it and I’m glad I did. Reminded me of so many pricks, assholes, jerks I knew over the years. I suspect many of them haven’t grown up a either. But…that poem was, ahem, fantastic.
Somehow I missed that Sari has two substacks -- Oldster and this one. So, I'm late to comment but wanted to say, I'm glad you published the questionnaire response! Once you start censoring, it's a slippery slope. I would draw the line at hate-filled invective, but the thoughts of an aging narcissist are illuminating in their own way.
Yes, to everything you say here. I had many of the same reactions. But I don’t think you made a mistake in publishing this questionnaire by a 70-something white male. He revealed himself and now we understand better. “Understand” does not mean condone or agree. (sorry for note + comment; figuring that out)
There is so much effort put into judging what is offensive or not offensive that I often feel like no one can just be honest anymore. This isn’t healthy either. You were brave to publish that piece, even if you had those concerns.
Oh Sari this made me sad. I read wenner's interview too and he did not say that "musical artists who were women or people of color 'just didn’t articulate at that level.'" He said that he didn't know any that did it for him. And there is nothing wrong with that. It's his opinion. Should he have been forced to choose other artists do that he looked better? I love his honesty, and the honesty of Blumenthal in his interview. What other gaze could he have than a male one? I am a woman, feminist, a writer, and I am complex, sometimes pervy, sometimes mysandrist. We are complex humans and should be able to state our opinions. I don't think Wenner is sexist or racist. He likes what he likes.
Jo, we’re talking about men who have had inordinate power in the arts, more so in the case of Wenner. You can only like what you have been exposed to. Coming up, they were primarily exposed to the work of white men, and then as arbiters, they turned around and primarily exposed the culture to the work of white men, and Wenner is still unapologetically at it. As something of a gatekeeper myself, I feel a duty to try and look beyond what I was exposed to, what was championed by the culture, to see and share the work of others.
I understand but I grew up loving Rolling Stone mag and was exposed to so much more than men. Wenner was exposed to all of it too, but he has a preference for a style of music. And that's ok. I don't think accusing him of being racist and sexist is the answer. It's his taste. He likes guitar music, as do I, a migrant woman. I would love to encounter female guitarists as good as Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page et al. I am surprised that he didn't include Hendrix though but taste is taste. It's personal. He also didn't include and Sicilian artists, nor Italian, but I don't see an issue in that. Had he included black and female artists they would still have only represented a tiny part of music history that is American. I think, if anything, he has proven how america-centric his taste in music is. I'm not trying to be argumentative, although I guess I am. I just don't think we should be policing people's thoughts and opinions be ause they are individual. He started RS because he was a music fan. I once wrote reviews for them and it was great! Anyway, I'm enjoying this convo as it's getting me to think about this topic more broadly.
I still disagree, Jo. I think "it's his taste" because it was representative of the dominant culture. He was steeped in the dominant culture, and he then perpetuated it, uncritically, like all the white men at the tops of all the cultural institutions. Marchese got him to show it. It's hardly just Wenner. He's a stand-in for so many others like him at the tops of the cultural food chain who have enormous blindspots. They gate-keep entire swaths of artists of other backgrounds and genders who never get a chance to appeal to people's tastes.
That's your call to see it that way. He's only at the top of the American cultural food chain. America is not the world. I think that's actually the problem. In most countries, Jan does not exist and has had zero influence. Again, America is not the world. But also, seeing him as a gatekeeper tends to indicate that there is no agency by others. Again, this is largely an American pov.
Thanks for letting me know what your reaction was, Kirie. I appreciate it. I lost some subscribers after that one. But I still think in the end it was valuable to post it. 🙏🏻
Dear Sari, I am glad that in the end you came around to not regret publishing the questionnaire. Personally speaking, I don't think you did anything wrong by publishing it - it was within the scope of the questionnaire definition, it was on subject, he appeared to be honest, and most of all - what a prove of what we (women and people of color) have felt and fought about all along. We have been dismissed, our feelings and opinions disregarded, but OMG this is exactly what we are up against in this world. The words of the privileged proved it.
Thanks for your work in what has become rare - true journalism!
There’s a huge difference between only publishing those voices (as Wenner demonstrates) and publishing them among many voices that cast what they are saying into different perspectives. You most definitely did the latter, and that’s good journalism, in my book.
Thank you.
It is very difficult to be the age I am and realize that I have dealt with so many of these situations. Yet not had the opportunity to put it out in the world as you did and receive the feedback ( positive and negative) that might help my perspective become broader. Kudos to you for chancing it!
Thanks for saying so, Laura.
I agree that it was good to publish. Much as I love reading about women dealing with aging, and would celebrate them even when they grapple with the effects on things like their looks and sex life, it seems only right that men can be as honest about what aging means to them (for better or worse.) Did I respond mentally to the sense of privilege I saw, yes, but I have responded in a similar fashion to some women in their interviews. And, I couldn't help but be reminded of my father who became less likely to censor himself with the early effects of his Alzheimer's talking to me about sex to a degree that he would never have done before. He told me about single-mindedly losing his virginity the night before he shipped out to fight in WWII, and how much good sex he had in his seventies when he remarried (having lovingly nursed my mother through years of illness that had both of them living as if they were in their 80s instead of their 60s). I was so glad for him to have found this second chance to feel young and vital, and my stepmother loved him for it, because it gave her a second chance at love that she never expected. We are diverse, in our experiences and expectations, and I am glad you are celebrating our diversity even as we age.
Well said. Thank you.
When I first came across Mr. B's response to the Oldster questionnaire, I skimmed it quickly and moved on. Part of being a creative is living one's life in a creative manner. Mr. B, it seems, has moved through his life on a predictable and well-worn path as a "creative writing teacher" who scans his female students and other young women as potential sexual conquests. Since I saw nothing interesting while I skimmed his response, I moved on.
Then, in Adventures in "Journalism," I read Sari's essay about having conflicting feelings about a questionnaire response she had published in Oldster. I was pulled into her essay to see what she had published and why she felt conflicted about it. I then went back to Oldster and read Mr. B's full sad, shriveled response to the Oldster questionnaire.
What a contrast between Mr. B and a true creative genius, Patti Smith, who at 76 is as vibrant as ever. She's traveled in her life from being a poet to a punk rocker to a mother removed from the music scene to a National Book Award winner to providing Smithposiums on Paul Verlaine and other poets. She is generous, productive, humble, sexy and brilliant. Let's hear more from older creatives like Patti Smith and allow folks like Mr. B to continue living their narrow, stymied lives at home where they hound successful publications to publish their musings.
Thank you. PS I have been trying to get Patti Smith to take the questionnaire!
Oh, I think it was so valuable to read-- not for the "aha" but just to be in the presence of someone's truth, no matter how gobsmacking
Yes. Thank you.
I hadn't read the original questionnaire (too many newsletters, an embarrassment of riches!) but I went back to do so . It was shocking, near the end, for me to see that he was married. I assumed he was single/divorced/widowed. I guess good for him for being honest, but his constant on-the-prowl answers took on a different dimension next to "I guess my wife will bake me a cake for my birthday". WHAT.
I had the same reaction, but then asked myself if I knew how their marriage works. Maybe it's open. Maybe he's wistful for a time before they were married. Who knows?
I'm proud of you and I trust your editorial judgment, even more now. I see how thoughtful you are.
🙏🏼
Thank you for the questionnaire and the response. The questionnaire was a good reminder to me that many people think differently than I do but they have a right to describe how they feel. Your response helped me solidify how I felt. The opportunity to see differing sides of the coin is what we all need
I glanced at that questionnaire when it came out and thought, nah, not for me and moved on. Kudos to you for publishing it and giving your readers a choice.
Thank you for doing what I would have hoped: deciding it wasn't for you, but sticking around for the next thing. Thank you for still giving me and Oldster Magazine a chance after that one, unlike the people who unsubscribed!
So I just went and read it and I’m glad I did. Reminded me of so many pricks, assholes, jerks I knew over the years. I suspect many of them haven’t grown up a either. But…that poem was, ahem, fantastic.
Yeah, I liked the poem!
Somehow I missed that Sari has two substacks -- Oldster and this one. So, I'm late to comment but wanted to say, I'm glad you published the questionnaire response! Once you start censoring, it's a slippery slope. I would draw the line at hate-filled invective, but the thoughts of an aging narcissist are illuminating in their own way.
Bette, would you believe that I have THREE Substacks? 🥹 I also run a second “magazine” called Memoir Land. http://memoirland.substack.com
Yes, to everything you say here. I had many of the same reactions. But I don’t think you made a mistake in publishing this questionnaire by a 70-something white male. He revealed himself and now we understand better. “Understand” does not mean condone or agree. (sorry for note + comment; figuring that out)
There is so much effort put into judging what is offensive or not offensive that I often feel like no one can just be honest anymore. This isn’t healthy either. You were brave to publish that piece, even if you had those concerns.
Thanks, Jen.
Oh Sari this made me sad. I read wenner's interview too and he did not say that "musical artists who were women or people of color 'just didn’t articulate at that level.'" He said that he didn't know any that did it for him. And there is nothing wrong with that. It's his opinion. Should he have been forced to choose other artists do that he looked better? I love his honesty, and the honesty of Blumenthal in his interview. What other gaze could he have than a male one? I am a woman, feminist, a writer, and I am complex, sometimes pervy, sometimes mysandrist. We are complex humans and should be able to state our opinions. I don't think Wenner is sexist or racist. He likes what he likes.
Jo, we’re talking about men who have had inordinate power in the arts, more so in the case of Wenner. You can only like what you have been exposed to. Coming up, they were primarily exposed to the work of white men, and then as arbiters, they turned around and primarily exposed the culture to the work of white men, and Wenner is still unapologetically at it. As something of a gatekeeper myself, I feel a duty to try and look beyond what I was exposed to, what was championed by the culture, to see and share the work of others.
I understand but I grew up loving Rolling Stone mag and was exposed to so much more than men. Wenner was exposed to all of it too, but he has a preference for a style of music. And that's ok. I don't think accusing him of being racist and sexist is the answer. It's his taste. He likes guitar music, as do I, a migrant woman. I would love to encounter female guitarists as good as Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page et al. I am surprised that he didn't include Hendrix though but taste is taste. It's personal. He also didn't include and Sicilian artists, nor Italian, but I don't see an issue in that. Had he included black and female artists they would still have only represented a tiny part of music history that is American. I think, if anything, he has proven how america-centric his taste in music is. I'm not trying to be argumentative, although I guess I am. I just don't think we should be policing people's thoughts and opinions be ause they are individual. He started RS because he was a music fan. I once wrote reviews for them and it was great! Anyway, I'm enjoying this convo as it's getting me to think about this topic more broadly.
I still disagree, Jo. I think "it's his taste" because it was representative of the dominant culture. He was steeped in the dominant culture, and he then perpetuated it, uncritically, like all the white men at the tops of all the cultural institutions. Marchese got him to show it. It's hardly just Wenner. He's a stand-in for so many others like him at the tops of the cultural food chain who have enormous blindspots. They gate-keep entire swaths of artists of other backgrounds and genders who never get a chance to appeal to people's tastes.
That's your call to see it that way. He's only at the top of the American cultural food chain. America is not the world. I think that's actually the problem. In most countries, Jan does not exist and has had zero influence. Again, America is not the world. But also, seeing him as a gatekeeper tends to indicate that there is no agency by others. Again, this is largely an American pov.
Thank you, Linda.
Thanks for letting me know what your reaction was, Kirie. I appreciate it. I lost some subscribers after that one. But I still think in the end it was valuable to post it. 🙏🏻