You aren’t alone, Sari. I tried to write an essay this week about exactly this topic and gave up seven paragraphs in because I do not have the mental or emotional bandwidth to be attacked right now, and even if I did, who does it help? The only way forward is together, but people are invested in their stances and their rage, especially on social media. It’s like an angry lynch mob and if you say anything you’ll be up on that stage with the noose swinging in the air and people calling for blood because you had the audacity to express heartache for everyone caught up in this nightmare. There’s so much trauma for everyone and you just cannot have meaningful conversation when people are in fight/flight/freeze mode. Just wanted you to know I think there are a lot of us feeling exactly as you do. Sending you hugs and love, hopefully we will get to a place where we can be kind, tolerant and sane. That would be so amazing, wouldn’t it? 🤍
I love this, Sari. I guess I'm a Bundist. That works for me. I want to live in the whole world, not huddled together with people of a similar background in a country surrounded by enemies. The diaspora IS home. I want diversity. I've felt this way since I learned about the Holocaust at 8 years old. We have to keep writing, telling our truths and letting the chips fall where they may. Silencing ourselves doesn't do anyone a bit of good. And I know it's scary. There's such an intense culture of shaming going on right now. What's the saying? Wherever you go, there you are.
“One group is telling me that because I’m not posting about the war on social media I’m a self-hating, Hamas-loving Jew; the other is telling me I’m a genocidal, racist colonizer. It is excruciating and lonely-making. (I assure you I’m neither of those things.)”
This. I am starting to believe that people are taking sides so that they’re not being sandwiched on an island of self-loathing between the “two sides.” There is so little solidarity in publicly acknowledging the nuance. I have learned so much about tribalism and why it exists as means of social survival these last six months. Solidarity.
A big hug for you. You are not alone. The issue is so fraught with emotion that people are holding on to their point of view as the only anchor they have.
Can you write everything out and then burn the pages?
I’m sorry you are being made to feel that way. I got off of Facebook entirely in part because any time I posted about reproductive rights instead of Gaza….lets just say it was not received positively.
I just finished talking about this with Nan, and I have a private IM group with two other Jews, so we can discuss it and not be attacked. I had to leave my job over this conflict.
I don’t disagree with you but I don’t agree either. It’s so convulted that it’s beyond my brain to articulate. The history is so complicated, neither side, knowing what the truth is.
To be honest, I have a knee jerk response to any attack on Israel…like I believe the left-wing progressives are having a knee jerk response to what they see an an attack on brown folks (Palestinians specifically, Muslims generally) by the white oppressor (Israel specifically, Jews generally).
I don’t know that there is an answer. I don’t imagine the fighting will stop in my lifetime. That’s not to say I don’t want it, I don’t believe it can.
About the journal: how about writing it by hand for a few months, then reviewing those pages and tearing out the ones you want to keep and throwing out the rest? I'm doing that with old journals and feeling zero regret about what I threw out.
As a Russian woman married to a Jewish man in the Soviet Union, I always has been troubled by Jewish Question. Why does it exists? In Russia, before Revolution, in Soviet Union, after Revolution, and now, modern Russia, Jew is a nationality, not a religion, which in some ways cleared their position in society. Officially, they were one of many nationalities of the Soviet Union. But antisemitism still exited, and we left Soviet Russia thanks to help of the American government. And now, when Hamas has a goal to annihilate the last Jew "From Tiger to Efrat," it is the duty for each honest person to realize that to protect Israel meant to protect democracy and freedom everywhere. There are my Russian Jewish relatives and friends live there and somebody's American, French, German relatives and friends also are living there. They are peaceful European people, and Israel is their country. Some Muslim fanatics organized there and even here Jewish persecution, and we, I don't understand why, afraid to lift our voice against Hamas without being called self-hating or Hamas- loving or racist-Colonizer!
Molly Crabapple is writing a whole book about the Jewish Labor Bund right now; she’s been posting about it and her research for it at the NYPL on her Instagram. Very interested to read it once it’s available.
I relate so much to this, especially how lonely-making it is and isolating in not feeling able to talk about it with others much. For me, it also feels like I’m walking around naked and exposed every day, though I’m not sure exactly why. Maybe it’s a sense of vulnerability. Thank you for writing this!
All one can do is find the time to grieve. To let it all out in some way, because holding this stuff in, it eats away at our hearts (whether we do it privately or publicly, that is up to us- no one should force you to do anything). It doesn't matter how we identify, the common thread is that we are all humans, and we feel each other's pain from afar.
Dear Sari, I understand perfectly where you are and what you are feeling! I am not Jewish but as a first generation immigrant, “diaspora” is not a foreign concept and “homeland” has become something that evokes strange feelings.
In the Gaza conflict, I have people who are very close to me on both sides, each believe their own narrative so absolutely that it frightens me.
Do you have a typewriter? Type your journal. Swear your husband to secrecy, never mention it publicly, and voila, you have a truly private journal. Because you're right, anything you type into a computer lives forever.
You aren’t alone, Sari. I tried to write an essay this week about exactly this topic and gave up seven paragraphs in because I do not have the mental or emotional bandwidth to be attacked right now, and even if I did, who does it help? The only way forward is together, but people are invested in their stances and their rage, especially on social media. It’s like an angry lynch mob and if you say anything you’ll be up on that stage with the noose swinging in the air and people calling for blood because you had the audacity to express heartache for everyone caught up in this nightmare. There’s so much trauma for everyone and you just cannot have meaningful conversation when people are in fight/flight/freeze mode. Just wanted you to know I think there are a lot of us feeling exactly as you do. Sending you hugs and love, hopefully we will get to a place where we can be kind, tolerant and sane. That would be so amazing, wouldn’t it? 🤍
Well said, Ally. Thank you.
I'm feeling this, too, so strongly.
<3
I love this, Sari. I guess I'm a Bundist. That works for me. I want to live in the whole world, not huddled together with people of a similar background in a country surrounded by enemies. The diaspora IS home. I want diversity. I've felt this way since I learned about the Holocaust at 8 years old. We have to keep writing, telling our truths and letting the chips fall where they may. Silencing ourselves doesn't do anyone a bit of good. And I know it's scary. There's such an intense culture of shaming going on right now. What's the saying? Wherever you go, there you are.
Thanks, Nan. Glad to know you get this. And also that you are my neighbor in Diasporaville. xo
Oh, yeah. I absolutely get it. I'm a believer! xo
“One group is telling me that because I’m not posting about the war on social media I’m a self-hating, Hamas-loving Jew; the other is telling me I’m a genocidal, racist colonizer. It is excruciating and lonely-making. (I assure you I’m neither of those things.)”
This. I am starting to believe that people are taking sides so that they’re not being sandwiched on an island of self-loathing between the “two sides.” There is so little solidarity in publicly acknowledging the nuance. I have learned so much about tribalism and why it exists as means of social survival these last six months. Solidarity.
100%. Thank you.
❤️
A big hug for you. You are not alone. The issue is so fraught with emotion that people are holding on to their point of view as the only anchor they have.
Can you write everything out and then burn the pages?
Love you.
Oooh, there's an idea! Agree. And I love you, too, Steph! <3
I share similar feelings— thank you for expressing this.
<3 <3 <3
I’m sorry you are being made to feel that way. I got off of Facebook entirely in part because any time I posted about reproductive rights instead of Gaza….lets just say it was not received positively.
I just finished talking about this with Nan, and I have a private IM group with two other Jews, so we can discuss it and not be attacked. I had to leave my job over this conflict.
I don’t disagree with you but I don’t agree either. It’s so convulted that it’s beyond my brain to articulate. The history is so complicated, neither side, knowing what the truth is.
To be honest, I have a knee jerk response to any attack on Israel…like I believe the left-wing progressives are having a knee jerk response to what they see an an attack on brown folks (Palestinians specifically, Muslims generally) by the white oppressor (Israel specifically, Jews generally).
I don’t know that there is an answer. I don’t imagine the fighting will stop in my lifetime. That’s not to say I don’t want it, I don’t believe it can.
I love you Jodi. I’m glad some of us are talking about it. xoxo
<3
About the journal: how about writing it by hand for a few months, then reviewing those pages and tearing out the ones you want to keep and throwing out the rest? I'm doing that with old journals and feeling zero regret about what I threw out.
I’ve been afraid of even that! But I’ll give it another go. Thanks, Geeta.
As a Russian woman married to a Jewish man in the Soviet Union, I always has been troubled by Jewish Question. Why does it exists? In Russia, before Revolution, in Soviet Union, after Revolution, and now, modern Russia, Jew is a nationality, not a religion, which in some ways cleared their position in society. Officially, they were one of many nationalities of the Soviet Union. But antisemitism still exited, and we left Soviet Russia thanks to help of the American government. And now, when Hamas has a goal to annihilate the last Jew "From Tiger to Efrat," it is the duty for each honest person to realize that to protect Israel meant to protect democracy and freedom everywhere. There are my Russian Jewish relatives and friends live there and somebody's American, French, German relatives and friends also are living there. They are peaceful European people, and Israel is their country. Some Muslim fanatics organized there and even here Jewish persecution, and we, I don't understand why, afraid to lift our voice against Hamas without being called self-hating or Hamas- loving or racist-Colonizer!
I loved this, Sari. Thank you!
<3
Molly Crabapple is writing a whole book about the Jewish Labor Bund right now; she’s been posting about it and her research for it at the NYPL on her Instagram. Very interested to read it once it’s available.
Oh, wow. I can’t wait to read it. Thanks for letting me know.
Nuanced and heartfelt, thank you! I am sorry that you don't feel safe journaling, too
I relate so much to this, especially how lonely-making it is and isolating in not feeling able to talk about it with others much. For me, it also feels like I’m walking around naked and exposed every day, though I’m not sure exactly why. Maybe it’s a sense of vulnerability. Thank you for writing this!
All one can do is find the time to grieve. To let it all out in some way, because holding this stuff in, it eats away at our hearts (whether we do it privately or publicly, that is up to us- no one should force you to do anything). It doesn't matter how we identify, the common thread is that we are all humans, and we feel each other's pain from afar.
Dear Sari, I understand perfectly where you are and what you are feeling! I am not Jewish but as a first generation immigrant, “diaspora” is not a foreign concept and “homeland” has become something that evokes strange feelings.
In the Gaza conflict, I have people who are very close to me on both sides, each believe their own narrative so absolutely that it frightens me.
Hang in there Sari! Sending you hugs!
Thanks, Yi. Hugs back!
Do you have a typewriter? Type your journal. Swear your husband to secrecy, never mention it publicly, and voila, you have a truly private journal. Because you're right, anything you type into a computer lives forever.
<3