Between my ears.
Thanks for your honesty, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m right there with you, and I’m sort of trying the only way out is through approach. All the strategies help but don’t get to the root, and I’m trying to accept this might simply be a challenging season in every way.
Hello! I’m sorry you’re feeling blue. Being sad is no fun. Those walks sound good. Getting out in the air is always key for me. It’s interesting how there’s this cultural thing now where we’re supposed to be happy happy happy so blessed all the time, and think of ourselves as sick when we’re not. But of course feeling really terrible is a sane response to terrible things.
Sari, thank you for talking about this and letting us into your experience. I’m so sorry you’re struggling . I am, too, in just about all the ways you describe. It’s a hard time for a lot of us. I feel for you deeply and can say only that you have a comrade out here, thinking of you and holding an image in my mind of joy and vitality returning to you - and good things coming your way. 💕
Thank you so much for sharing this! Yes, I agree that writing can help. I was especially down for part of January -- I'd say because of being sick for 10+ days (tested negative twice at home for covid, fwiw; wondered if it was RSV--either way, it was exhausting); and because we had gray days nearly Nov-Jan. Plus, working in a dying industry, and I do think it's been kind of a rough season. By Feb, I ended up needing to round up tons of work; keeping so busy has managed to switch my mood. But there've been other things that helped,. Also, I've seen in recent days that seasonal affective disorder definitely has been a factor for me. And that's a very good point below, that feeling bad is a sane response to negative things. More soon!
I so relate to writing about it making you feel better. Raising my hand for talk therapy and mediation (or snapping for them? lol) Sharing my thoughts with another wise, honest person (almost always a woman) helps me feel so much more in touch with my mind and the feelings it’s driving in my life. Meditation is, I think, a cracked window letting just enough air into the room to change the temperature. It’s so slight, but I think the effects are real. But taken lightly: is there anything more depressing than trying to “win” at meditation? Wishing you light wind, and walks where you allow yourself to get lost!
You never have to lie with me. I’m here for you! And I’m depressed too! (And also reporting not in danger). I don’t think I know anyone who isn’t or hasn’t been, recently, these days, actually. Love you.
Oh Sari, so sorry you're struggling. I scribbled a note recently, "Is it me or is the sad hitting extra this year?" I've seen so many people wondering why it's all so hard and I agree with Summer - it's a sane response to an insane world. This may seem like a tiny, silly thing and not at all a solution, but I signed up for a 6 week winter tulip share from a local sustainable flower farm. I've never bought myself flowers, so a gorgeous bunch of heirloom tulips every February Friday has been a revelation. I'm still wrestling my darkness, but there are tulips! Spring will come!
Thank you for articulately expressing my recent weeks. And, doing so in a way that was funny/not funny, but still made me laugh. Kudos.
I am very sorry that you are going through a tough time. The list of possible causes is long but the real culprit could just be hiding behind these seeming different irritants. Walking outside, sleeping well, re-prioritizing so you could minimize your daily to-do list, and talking to friends (they don't have to be shrinks, and you yourself can be one of these friends) have always helped me. Note none of these cost money :). Sending you my love!
This is deeply familiar, Sari. I’m sorry, (*yes* sorry,) you’re in the throes now. You are so wonderful, beloved by so many. May despair lift soon. The unnameable, whatever it may be, would send me (the unnameable often does for me), but all the other options make sense, too. This is such a generous post to share. Wish I could take you to Veselka’s for soup. Thinking of you, here for you, if I may be. xo
Ugh, I feel this too, Sari. For me I think climate grief plays a big role.
Even when things are good, and especially when the weather is (unseasonably) pleasant, it’s just this sadness. Like, Can I even trust the pleasure of a beautiful day?
I’ve always been prone to depression and it used to always be centered on myself, so maybe in a weird way it’s nice to have it be external?!? Then again, when I was the “problem,” I still had a basic trust in EXISTENCE that now seems fundamentally... uh, gone. So there’s that.
Yikes I hope I haven’t added to your misery list. I hope things get better for you. Thank you for your newsletter. Xo